Domestic Violence Prevention and Healing

Having been abused as a kid (something I am now willing to acknowledge, since both of my parents and all of their siblings are dead), I've tried numerous times to work for various domestic violence shelter and prevention organizations. My most recent experience, lasting a little over 2 years, was not a good one and I'd like to save anyone I can from a similar experience.

The problem I ran into is probably very common among non-profit organizations, but I’m only just now experiencing this sort of thing, as my autumn [as opposed to winter] years have allowed me more time to invest in philanthropic activities. Having volunteered with a particular organization for most anything that came along, including mopping floors, I was placed on a task force, whose job was stated to be coming to the aid of domestic violence victims and/or preventing instances of abuse.

During my first year in this role, I have to admit that we may have made some limited progress toward soliciting the active support of those in the community who were empathetic to our cause and increasing public awareness of the problem. We put on, as our centerpiece, an informational breakfast and I would call it, on balance, a success. The thing that strikes me about it, though, was that while I think we energized some local leaders and rallied them to the cause, there was no subsequent (as in “none”) follow up that I could see built on this progress. Other than planting a few seeds and reinforcing the organization’s brand name, I can’t see that much of a permanent or long term nature was accomplished.

It was not until the second year that some things that were amiss about the operation became obvious to me. We had been told that we had chosen a particular project to support (a day of healing) and that it was up to us to organize and stage the event. I question who really decided the character of the event, but am willing to overlook that for the moment.

During the course of preparations, it became obvious that “we,” the committee members, had little or no influence over the decisions being made—whether it was the flyers, the invited guests, the location, the agenda, the speakers, etc. We were dependent upon the guidance and direction of a "newbie," who was on staff at the organization, who seemed like a "cruiser" to me. I asked whether or not the director, who had guided the group the year before, could return to help with this task.

What I heard in reply was, “1. The director is tied up with funding and can no longer participate at this level. 2. We’re sticking with the new person,” and, “3. Of course, the ‘task force’ [as opposed to the management of the non-profit] is making all the decisions.” I accept her points one and two.

But the loose thread that bothered me the most was that the marketing of the event had a dubious target audience. This was ostensibly directed at aiding victims of domestic violence with a day of healing to let them know there’s hope and help them get on track to recovering their lives and their dignity. However, at least one obvious pool of victims within our community was ignored, ostensibly on the basis of language barriers. Okay, perhaps.

But, I never had the impression that abuse victims were effectively being targeted as benefactors of the day. For one thing, who’s going to respond to an ad that says, “We’re here to aid abuse victims and their friends. Come. Admit publicly that you’re an abuse victim. Let us pamper you in front of a group.” I would guess the only time you could get that sort of audience would be if you already had a known reservoir of those in need and a highly confidential environment in which they were nurtured, more on a private than a public basis. Anyway, I had my doubts and formed another working hypothesis that I decided to test by observation.

I quit working on the event, as I could see that my input, other than supplies, menial labor and/or money wasn’t welcome, even though I was billed as a co-planner. Yes, I would have been willing to provide any of those things at the outset, but, by now, I was having serious doubts about the ultimate purpose of the event.

In the end, I attended the day of healing to test my hypothesis, which was that the organization—at least at this level and in this context—had only one true set of objectives, which had only a casual relationship to abuse victims. Those were a. improving its brand name, and b. allowing the management to check the appropriate boxes on some form that would make the event look very successful and meaningful, when submitted for funding.

The actual program in my observation was little more than "going through the motions," pretending that we were actually helping anyone. If there were any abuse victims there, I couldn't identify them and neither could my wife, or other volunteers we brought to work there. The displays were plentiful with both qualified volunteer manpower and publications. But, what's the use? The line of needy persons to use them appeared non-existent.

So, what do I take away from this? My suspicion that this particular organization is primarily engaged in sustaining and embellishing its image and prosperity (in terms of salaries and employment) is reinforced. I infer that its mission, based on empirical evidence that I have seen at 85% organization building and 15% on serving domestic violence victims.

But, now that I’ve wasted 2 years with them, what is there to learn from this?

I’m not so naïve as to think that organizations do not need to look after their funding as part and parcel of their agendae. But, there comes a point when things can become so lopsided that they can and often do lose track of the missions, which prompted their formation. And I think that point has been reached in this instance.

..An even sadder realization is that money, services and energy that was intended for domestic violence victims has been "diluted" at best, or, in another sense, "stolen" by the very organization which was formed to support them.

..Here are some mistakes I made at the outset: I assumed the organization was true to its mission, because it is prominent within our local community. But, I'm beginning to think that no one has, as of late, anyway, scratched much below the surface to evaluate its day to day activities. Ask to see the services you're trying to nurture actually being dispensed. Don't let them tell you it would embarrass anyone. They can introduce you as a part of the staff. The only ones they truly don't want embarrassed may be themselves.

...Ask to see their financial statements. They have to submit those for funding and are often a public record. See how much of their budget goes to actually helping their target beneficiaries. If they give you the runaround, be glad it happened near the outset of what could have been a very costly and time consuming disappointment.

My initial thought was to abandon the domestic violence cause and figure that the victims will have to be more resourceful in learning to help themselves. That lasted a day or two. I can easily abandon the organization, but I cannot so easily abandon the cause.

Leary of non-profit organizational behavior and its endemic shortcomings, for now I'll just have to settle for creating public awareness unless/until I find an organization that passes the test!

If you decide to "pitch in" to this or a similar cause, be sure to do your homework in advance, so that your time and energy is not siphoned off for the selfish purposes of the "pretenders." Yes, I consider myself a loser in all this, but the biggest losers--beyond those who did the "pretending"--, sadly, are the domestic violence victims I went there to help!

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